


From Hate to Love to Hate Again then Back to Love

by Crazy_panda_25



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, I cried writing this, Love, M/M, Mentions of self harming, Sadness, mentions of child abuse, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 10:18:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8663671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_panda_25/pseuds/Crazy_panda_25
Summary: Remus hated Sirius, then he loved him, then he hated him again, then he loved him again.





	

**_ From Hate to Love to Hate Again then Back to Love _ **

 

To say Remus and Sirius' relationship was difficult would be a large understatement. Most people think the marauders were friends from the start but that was far from the truth. They despised each other. James and Sirius especially. Having a boy from a dark family and a boy from a blood traitorous family in the same dorm can do that. It didn't help that both boys had been taught to steer clear of the others family.

Remus however didn't like either of them. To him they were both arrogant, insufferable and annoying. Being use to not talking to many people as he was growing up, Remus wasn't use to the boys constant noise. He hated them both. Little did he know, soon they would become the best thing that ever happened to him.

It was the middle of first year when they began to see each other for who they really were.

James, that arrogant, mischievous boy that talked to much, would be uncovered to be protective, kind, open minded and most of all brave. He'd grown up as the only child of wealthy, loving parents, who had taught him the difference between what is right or wrong. Growing up as an only child, James usually got what he wanted when he wanted it. He might have been spoilt and arrogant but he had a big heart.

Sirius, that grumpy, wary boy that kept his distance from everyone and trusted no one, would be uncovered to be intelligent, brave, courageous, strong willed and most of all fiercely loyal. He'd grown up being taught to be a dark wizard, to be a 'proper pure-blood. He had always lived in the shadow of his younger brother, who their parents had loved a lot more then Sirius. He might have been punished severely for going against his family but he had a big heart.

Remus, that quiet, preserved boy that was always secretive, would be uncovered to be witty, funny, brave and most of all kind. He'd grown up as a werewolf from the age of five with supportive parents that did their best to find anyway to make his transformations better. He was an only child even though his parents had wanted another child but were too afraid of that child being bitten as well and have to go through what Remus had done. He might have had a tough life from the start but he had a big heart.

Peter, that supportive, friendly boy that would willingly participate in anything the others wanted to, would be uncovered to be sneaky, cunning, manipulative and most of all untrustworthy. He'd grown up with a largely supportive family that loved him uncontrollably. He was an only child as his family was relatively poor. He might have had amazing friends that would give there lives to save him but he valued power more then loyalty.

  
It was third year that Remus realised he had feelings for one of his best friends. It had been as soon as Sirius had told him, James and Peter about what his parents would do to him if he did anything, small or large, that they didn't agree with. Seeing the purposely inflicted scars all over Sirius' back and the self-inflicted scars that covered his pale arms, Remus' heart had broken for the dark-haired boy. Remus had felt like crying at the pain he saw in the slightly older boy's eyes, at the self-conscious arm over his stomach, at the rare and plain vulnerability in the usually guarded grey eyes. It had taken him till sixth year before he ever acted on it though.

It was fifth year that Sirius realised he had feeling for one of his best friends. It was a whole five months after the Snape incident and that whole thing had been moved past completely. It had been when he'd got an especially horrible letter from his parents. He had isolated himself away from his friend and locked himself in the bathroom for hours. James and Remus had both been distraught, his past tendencies to hurt himself when times got rough didn't help. They had refused to go to class or meals without him. That gesture didn't help though, it just made him feel guilty. It had been Remus that he had let in after a while of begging, it had been Remus that he had broken down in the arms of, it had been Remus that he had let see him cry and it had been Remus that had comforted him and grounded him. He had realised he loved him then. It had taken him till sixth year before he ever acted on it though.

  
Years later their lives had been turned upside down by someone they had all trusted. James was dead, Lily was dead, Harry was orphaned, Sirius was in prisoned, Remus was alone. Remus hated him, he hated Sirius with a passion. It had felt like Remus had never known him at all, that the boy he loved and trusted could betray them to the darkest wizard of all. The thing that hurt the most was that Sirius' parents had won, they'd succeeded in turning his against them. Watching Harry grow up from a distance, Remus couldn't help but think of Sirius, of the man he once loved wondering how, wondering why.

  
He was innocent, Remus thinks over and over again. The man he'd convinced himself he hated, the man he'd distrusted leading up to the Potters death, the man he'd wished dead more then once was innocent. As soon as he'd seen Peter on the map, he'd known. He'd know straight away. As soon as it had all come out in the shrieking shake, he'd wondered how he managed to think the dark haired man was guilty. Peter was always a follower that got into powerful people's good books for personal gain, he hadn't got a brave or loyal bone in his body. Why had he though that man had confronted Sirius after the murder of the Potters? Why hadn't he believed his partner?

When Sirius had turned up on his doorstep on Dumbledore's orders, the first thing he did was pull him into a bone crushing hug. It felt wrong as the usually muscular arms rapped round him in response instead his arms where like bones, thin and cold. His body was no better. As they pressed up against each other, Remus could feel Sirius' ribs through the small amount of meat that made up his chest. They'd both cried, they'd both apologised.

Being stuck in Grimmauld Place had taken its toll on Sirius mental health. He felt isolated, trapped, depressed. New scars would appear on his arms, nightmares plagued his sleep, under his eyes would become darker from the lack of sleep. There was only so much Remus could do though. He would be sent on missions that would take him away from the house for days on end leaving Sirius on his own to fight his mental demons alone. Once when the two of them were alone, Sirius had admitted that the only good thing that had come from him escaping was that Remus and Harry knew the truth but he sometimes wished he was back in Azkaban because then he wouldn't have to be in that house again.

Remus told him, begged him to stay at the house while they go to the Ministry of Magic but Sirius hadn't listened. Remus wasn't surprised to see him fighting with them, knowing the dark haired man couldn't just stand by while people are rising their lives, while his godson was in danger.

When Bellatrix's spell hit Sirius, Remus saw him fall in slow motion. He saw the shock, the fear appear in the previously mocking eyes, he heard Bellatrix's cruel cackle, he saw Harry's face, he heard Harry's shouts of his godfathers name, he held Harry back.

"He can't come back, Harry, he can't come back, because he's d-" Remus had said, his voice breaking with grief as he struggled to remain holding onto Harry as he fought to get free.

"HE-IS-NOT-DEAD," Harry roared, "SIRIUS."

Remus wanted more then anything for Harry to be proven right, he wanted Sirius to come out from the behind the curtain but he knew he couldn't. Sirius Black, the man that had made him go from hating him to loving him, to hating him again then back to loving him, was dead.

 

 

 

 


End file.
